Sad
Call me sentimental or a just a plain sap for Hallmark moments, I intended this letter just for my baby, but it has turned into a blog entry instead. Why you ask? This afternoon I was confronted with a startling piece of information. My girlfriend was being asked to do volunteer work in Cambodia from the 8 to 20 Nov 2004.
For those with a watchful eye, may notice that on the 10th Nov also is our 1st year anniversary. At first I was overcome with anger. “Why on that day? Why can’t it be another time? What’s going to happen? Why Cambodia? Why her? Why 2 weeks? Why?! Why?!?!” My heart was wrecked with pure pain. I wanted so much to make that day a meaningful one, so much to spend it with her.
And now I can’t. I will be here while she’s there. Erin suggested we celebrate it earlier, but that would defeat the purpose of an anniversary in the first place when the idea is to remember that day when we first started this relationship. I know I couldn’t stop her from going, she needs the extra CCA points to help her along for her diploma, asking her to stay would be selfish on my part.
But I couldn’t help it. I suddenly felt so alone. Any hopes of sharing some any memorable moments went straight out the window. Reality bites. My heart aches so badly at the thought of her leaving me for 2 weeks, especially since its’ our anniversary moreover. If she does go...it also means that I won’t be celebrating any anniversary with her as well for the next 2 years.
I feel so confused, my heart wants her to stay but my mind knows she has to go, I’m getting frustrated. Should I? Who am I to ask her to stay and compromise her future which is so bright? Am I being selfish is asking her to stay by my side? I’m very sore over it right now, tears swirled in my eyes earlier on at the thought of her being away from me…
I love her so very much; I should spare a thought about her feelings and future as well. But at that moment all I could do is think about myself. How saddened and lonely I would be… I became concerned over the fact she’s going to Cambodia, a rural backwater, will she be alright? Who’s going to look out for her? Will she be safe? I’m worried for her, I don’t want to spend our anniversary pacing back and forth wondering if she’s safe or not. It’s just painful. Perhaps too much to bear
Then why the anger and hatred of her going away? The question keeps going through my mind…I should trust my heart, I want her to stay…but if she decides to go still, I will just accept the harsh reality and hopefully try to deal with it somehow and face it by myself. Perhaps we could finally celebrate on the day itself during our 4th year anniversary if there is one…
Love You
Always & Forever – Ah Gong
For those with a watchful eye, may notice that on the 10th Nov also is our 1st year anniversary. At first I was overcome with anger. “Why on that day? Why can’t it be another time? What’s going to happen? Why Cambodia? Why her? Why 2 weeks? Why?! Why?!?!” My heart was wrecked with pure pain. I wanted so much to make that day a meaningful one, so much to spend it with her.
And now I can’t. I will be here while she’s there. Erin suggested we celebrate it earlier, but that would defeat the purpose of an anniversary in the first place when the idea is to remember that day when we first started this relationship. I know I couldn’t stop her from going, she needs the extra CCA points to help her along for her diploma, asking her to stay would be selfish on my part.
But I couldn’t help it. I suddenly felt so alone. Any hopes of sharing some any memorable moments went straight out the window. Reality bites. My heart aches so badly at the thought of her leaving me for 2 weeks, especially since its’ our anniversary moreover. If she does go...it also means that I won’t be celebrating any anniversary with her as well for the next 2 years.
I feel so confused, my heart wants her to stay but my mind knows she has to go, I’m getting frustrated. Should I? Who am I to ask her to stay and compromise her future which is so bright? Am I being selfish is asking her to stay by my side? I’m very sore over it right now, tears swirled in my eyes earlier on at the thought of her being away from me…
I love her so very much; I should spare a thought about her feelings and future as well. But at that moment all I could do is think about myself. How saddened and lonely I would be… I became concerned over the fact she’s going to Cambodia, a rural backwater, will she be alright? Who’s going to look out for her? Will she be safe? I’m worried for her, I don’t want to spend our anniversary pacing back and forth wondering if she’s safe or not. It’s just painful. Perhaps too much to bear
Then why the anger and hatred of her going away? The question keeps going through my mind…I should trust my heart, I want her to stay…but if she decides to go still, I will just accept the harsh reality and hopefully try to deal with it somehow and face it by myself. Perhaps we could finally celebrate on the day itself during our 4th year anniversary if there is one…
Love You
Always & Forever – Ah Gong
posted by Jecht at 2:06 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home