Trust

I’ve learnt that trust is a figurative word; it can be used in so many instances. Lately the amount of trust I have in people has been questioned. When you reveal certain aspects of people to close friends you did come to expect the same level of trust and mutual respect from the listening party am I right?

Here’s an example, a close friend of mine asked me about the character of another person whom I know. Based on what I know, I told her some negative aspects of that person as well, being close friends, I decided to share what I know, for I didn’t want my friend to be in for any rude awakenings.

I thought this would strictly be private and confidential, something only shared amongst close friends. I trusted this friend of mine to keep it close to the heart. But guess what? I was quoted by my friend, reciting out word for word to this person whom I also know of. Can you imagine how betrayed I felt? It’s disgusting! I thought being close friends; it would be a kept secret.

The negative aspects of the person in question are now made known to how I view this person. The individual knows me as well, and I dread now if I do meet him, what would his reaction be? Would the person think likewise about me? Would I appear to be a hindrance? Would I appear to be the bad guy here? A rumor monger? God knows.

How would you feel, if you told someone to be wary of this person because he or she is a slut/bastard, and have that person go tell that slut/bastard exactly what you say? Absolutely horrible! I did something out of friendship, goodwill and trust, and what did I receive? A tight mental slap in return. It’s a wake up call so to speak.

Maybe I’ve grown too trusting lately, I used to doubt everyone before, and when I did form a circle of close friends whom I speak frankly with, I began to trust them, seeing which they would do the same. Now in the light of this, I can’t bring myself to speak to this friend of mine, nor do I think I can trust this person with my sincere thoughts, views and opinions.

You can’t really trust anyone, people change constantly, one moment they would smile at you, the next? Who knows when they will wield a 15 inch dagger and gorge it into your spine? I doubt I can trust anyone now, it seems so uncertain, overnight everything can transcend rapidly, what you used to be able to view, you can’t now, people who trusted you withdraw their feelings in an instance, what causes all this? I don’t know.

I don’t expect to find answers, nor expect to be given any. If you want my trust, you did better earn it, I never liked people who betrayed my trust in them. Not when I reveal my true self and they take this for granted and gladly toss it out the window. I am hurt, sadly disappointed, utterly disgusted and most definitely annoyed.

How much of trust do my loved ones and friends have for me and I have for them? Are they withholding secrets? Are they sprouting lies? Are they truthful? All this boils down to trust. I hate trust, it’s a word used by the naïve, I be can as cynical and pessimistic as human nature would allow. Should I? Am I too pissed to think rationally? Ok …I’m out!