Priorities

Feeling moody and listless, in the office now. *sigh… Had a minor tiff with you know who yesterday over one of her male friends who has taken quite a fancy to her.

What irked me was the final SMS message which I received from you know who. I got this feeling there’s going to be a lot of things which I should know but probably never hear, why? Simply because I ask questions that have answers which I’m not prepared for.

Things like who she’s out with, where she’s going, what she’s doing will be left unanswered why? Because there’s no need for me to know. I guess as her companion I’m not entitled to know any of these. It feels like there’s no obligation at all or any responsibilities in our relationship. In short, it’s a free for all.

Does it mean we can see anyone we want and do whatever we want without even considering the feelings of the other party? Seems that way now. It’s none of my business anyway. The only comfort I’m given is that she has me in her heart. If I really existed in there would I be feeling this way? Why did I get upset in the first place?

Will there be secrets and lies flying about? Skeletons will start to stockpile in the closet and I foresee a lack of communication which will lead to distancing from each other. Then again I hope all these aren’t true but they all seem pretty realistic now.

The battle seems to have swayed against my favour. Am I going to get through this? Are my feelings justified or am I in the wrong? Actually why should I bother? It seems she doesn’t want me to care anyway. I should be irresponsible and do what I please is that what a boyfriend should do? *sigh…

AntiEverything

(WARNING: The following contents have been deemed to be extremely sensitive and might adversely affect your Lunar New Year mood and celebrations, if this doesn't bother you; READ On! If it does please surf somewhere else.)

I think I must be suffering from some post-cny blues or something, which makes me kinda depressed all of a sudden. Don't know why either. Feel lonely, yet tired. I can't seem to turn to anyone without offending them in some way. Sigh...what's wrong with me?

The day started well enough, queued up for Yusheng at Crystal Jade Taka for over an hour, maddening crowds jammed the whole 4th level and the line snaked all the way to COCA. Got home unloaded the Yusheng and went back out again to wash my car - another 4 hours cause I had it waxed as well. Came home washed my dad's car and went straight for my reunion dinner.

At the start of the dinner my mood was sorta listless already, it didn't help much that my cousins were feeling the same way. We looked more like retirees at an aged home. Funny thing is my parents and other seniors were the ones brimming with energy. They were yakking, running around while the cousins (me, melissa and aileen were slouched in the sofa trying to look interested in watching PCK)

What happened you might ask? Beats the hell outta me! I know that its "bu ji li" by putting on a black face but I can't help it. ARGH!!! nobody understands...perhaps its because I miss my gf...sigh...This sucks, I feel repressed when I have to mask my true feelings. Probably gonna take a drive later just to calm my nerves. I mean what's the use of saying out my problems when no one is there to listen? I'm already at a lost for words.

I'm physically exhausted but my mind is still incredibly stressed out. Still no answer why either. No one cares as well. No one gives a listening ear. There's no one here. Emptiness, loneliness, is that what I'm feeling? I don't even have the answer to that. Though I thought meeting up with those closest to me would help ease the frustration but no one seems to give a hoot much less come within a 3km radius of my "chao bin".

Signing off, sad, depressed, confused, miserable and lonely =(