Men
We've flossed, worked hard, carried the groceries and even displayed our emotions. Yet, Singapore women say we're not up to the mark. What more can we do?
MEN all around the world seem to be confused about what women want.
At least that's what innumerable articles in popular men's and women's magazines alike have claimed in recent years.
Films have been made about it, talk-show hosts have earned millions from the topic, and female popstars have fashioned entire images around singing about what women want.
But judging by the number of dissatisfied women in Singapore, Singaporean men definitely still don't get it.
A recent feature in The New Paper highlighted the 'bodoh-sexual' nature of Singaporean men, quoting women who claimed that their men were insensitive, childish, chauvinistic and molly-coddled.
Men's magazine FHM also recently published its annual global sex survey where Singapore men were given a paltry 5.1 points out of 10 by their female partners in terms of sexual performance. This was two points below the international average.
Singapore men, on the other hand, rated women 7.2 points out of 10, which is right on the global average.
Data from the Department of Statistics' 2002 report on marriages and divorces also showed that more than 60 per cent of divorces in Singapore were initiated by wives.
And anecdotal evidence from my friends doesn't help the cause of Singaporean men either.
Most female friends I know have at one point or other bemoaned the lack of good Singaporean men.
The bulk of the complaints have centred around us being too materialistic, too macho, not having a sense of humour ... The list goes on.
So why have men been so unsuccessful in finding out how to make women happy?
It would appear that a lot of this lies in a shift in the balance of power between the two sexes.
The changing nature of the status quo of the two sexes is hardly a new phenomenon.
The bra-burning 1960s was also a period which witnessed an increase in education and career opportunities for women around the world.
This evolution has continued till today, where women are a match for men in virtually every aspect of financial or social independence.
And women have grown in stature with this evolution.
They are perceived to have become stronger, more independent, and to have taken charge of their lives and destinies.
Barbie has largely been replaced by Xena as a role-model for girls.
Women are cooler and more hip: There are now 'dirty-somethings', swinging single women who are into their third decade and who have no hang-ups about spinster stereotypes, as a colleague wrote in this column recently.
The heroines on Sex And The City have done much to glamorise this liberated lifestyle, which men have looked upon as their own sacred territory for so long.
Okay, so maybe not all Singapore women are like that. Some, I'm sure, are quite content to enjoy a more old-fashioned pace of life.
But I think women have, in general, come off better than men in the past few decades.
My former English tutor Mr Purvis used to hark back wistfully to the days when 'men were men and women were happy about it', and it's true that the notions of what it means to be a man are becoming less clear.
In recent years, we have had to make do with the rather watered-down Snag tag, which is wimpy at best, and confusing at worst.
We're expected to be sensitive, emotionally vulnerable, and yet still be 'guys', which presumably means exhibiting masculine traits such as strength, dependability and gentlemanliness.
The latest trend towards metrosexuality seems to promise even more confusion for a generation of men who have had to stand in the shadows as their female counterparts storm past in a whirlwind of sexual revolution.
All this spells big trouble for us men. The sands of the social playing field have shifted beneath our feet and we just haven't been able to keep up.
Maybe we were too busy watching sports on TV. Or chasing the almighty dollar. Or getting in touch with our feminine side. Whatever.
The bottomline is that we're going to have to figure out what women want before we can get the women we want. And let's face it: that's what most guys want.
Men have never been famous for being able to figure out women. We're even supposed to come from different planets.
But the emergence of the new, empowered, independent woman of the new millennium might just be a boon for my clueless male brethren.
Because, after all, the new woman is closer to the stereotypical male in many ways.
She's financially independent, socially aware, well-educated, and, thanks to female contraception, sexually liberated as well.
So what women want out of a relationship might not be all that different from what men want too.
American sex therapist Gina Ogden said in a recent magazine interview that her research has shown her that men and women are really very much alike.
'Men and women both want love, both want to be appreciated, want to be sexual. There are a lot of similarities in what we both want in a relationship if you cut through all the gender-role stuff and media hype.'
The article also proposes the following new rules of a more equal partnership: 'Whoever asks, pays. Whoever's horny, initiates. And whoever's rejected must take it like a man.'
Could the answer be as simple as that?
For the sake of us men, I certainly hope so.
MEN all around the world seem to be confused about what women want.
At least that's what innumerable articles in popular men's and women's magazines alike have claimed in recent years.
Films have been made about it, talk-show hosts have earned millions from the topic, and female popstars have fashioned entire images around singing about what women want.
But judging by the number of dissatisfied women in Singapore, Singaporean men definitely still don't get it.
A recent feature in The New Paper highlighted the 'bodoh-sexual' nature of Singaporean men, quoting women who claimed that their men were insensitive, childish, chauvinistic and molly-coddled.
Men's magazine FHM also recently published its annual global sex survey where Singapore men were given a paltry 5.1 points out of 10 by their female partners in terms of sexual performance. This was two points below the international average.
Singapore men, on the other hand, rated women 7.2 points out of 10, which is right on the global average.
Data from the Department of Statistics' 2002 report on marriages and divorces also showed that more than 60 per cent of divorces in Singapore were initiated by wives.
And anecdotal evidence from my friends doesn't help the cause of Singaporean men either.
Most female friends I know have at one point or other bemoaned the lack of good Singaporean men.
The bulk of the complaints have centred around us being too materialistic, too macho, not having a sense of humour ... The list goes on.
So why have men been so unsuccessful in finding out how to make women happy?
It would appear that a lot of this lies in a shift in the balance of power between the two sexes.
The changing nature of the status quo of the two sexes is hardly a new phenomenon.
The bra-burning 1960s was also a period which witnessed an increase in education and career opportunities for women around the world.
This evolution has continued till today, where women are a match for men in virtually every aspect of financial or social independence.
And women have grown in stature with this evolution.
They are perceived to have become stronger, more independent, and to have taken charge of their lives and destinies.
Barbie has largely been replaced by Xena as a role-model for girls.
Women are cooler and more hip: There are now 'dirty-somethings', swinging single women who are into their third decade and who have no hang-ups about spinster stereotypes, as a colleague wrote in this column recently.
The heroines on Sex And The City have done much to glamorise this liberated lifestyle, which men have looked upon as their own sacred territory for so long.
Okay, so maybe not all Singapore women are like that. Some, I'm sure, are quite content to enjoy a more old-fashioned pace of life.
But I think women have, in general, come off better than men in the past few decades.
My former English tutor Mr Purvis used to hark back wistfully to the days when 'men were men and women were happy about it', and it's true that the notions of what it means to be a man are becoming less clear.
In recent years, we have had to make do with the rather watered-down Snag tag, which is wimpy at best, and confusing at worst.
We're expected to be sensitive, emotionally vulnerable, and yet still be 'guys', which presumably means exhibiting masculine traits such as strength, dependability and gentlemanliness.
The latest trend towards metrosexuality seems to promise even more confusion for a generation of men who have had to stand in the shadows as their female counterparts storm past in a whirlwind of sexual revolution.
All this spells big trouble for us men. The sands of the social playing field have shifted beneath our feet and we just haven't been able to keep up.
Maybe we were too busy watching sports on TV. Or chasing the almighty dollar. Or getting in touch with our feminine side. Whatever.
The bottomline is that we're going to have to figure out what women want before we can get the women we want. And let's face it: that's what most guys want.
Men have never been famous for being able to figure out women. We're even supposed to come from different planets.
But the emergence of the new, empowered, independent woman of the new millennium might just be a boon for my clueless male brethren.
Because, after all, the new woman is closer to the stereotypical male in many ways.
She's financially independent, socially aware, well-educated, and, thanks to female contraception, sexually liberated as well.
So what women want out of a relationship might not be all that different from what men want too.
American sex therapist Gina Ogden said in a recent magazine interview that her research has shown her that men and women are really very much alike.
'Men and women both want love, both want to be appreciated, want to be sexual. There are a lot of similarities in what we both want in a relationship if you cut through all the gender-role stuff and media hype.'
The article also proposes the following new rules of a more equal partnership: 'Whoever asks, pays. Whoever's horny, initiates. And whoever's rejected must take it like a man.'
Could the answer be as simple as that?
For the sake of us men, I certainly hope so.
posted by Jecht at 5:27 PM
